Your 20’s: Expectations vs Reality
Any advice you’d give to someone in their 20s?
“I feel like the more I admit I don't know anything about growing up and adulthood, the more open minded to new experiences I become, and that is very special.”
“...keep an open mind and remember that it's okay to change the things about you that you felt so strongly about as a teenager!”
“I'd let my teen self know that I don't have to grow up so fast, there will be a lot of freedom in finding myself and feeling like a child is actually a precious thing. Being childish and childlike are not to be equated!”
What is the best part of being in your 20s?
“Not knowing! Also the worst, but it means you can truly start over whenever you want. It's always true but (while still being in it) this is the decade when there are truly no structures - you can do whatever the hell, try whatever the hell. You lose nothing by giving stuff a shot.”
It is extremely easy to fall into the mindset that this is only happening to you and you’re alone in this time of trial and error. Everyone’s personal experiences and feelings hold validity and deserve the same respect. It is comforting to know, however, that there are others out there who feel similarly and can relate to the situation.
When I reached out to the TRASH MAG community, I was pleasantly reminded that we all have so much in common. The best way to not feel so alone is to hear from others, and my hope is reading their quotes above will provide some comfort. What I’ve learned is we all have this common desire to be treated with honesty and openness. People like when you’re real with them. I truly feel through the words of the contributors and myself that we all have so much more in common than we think.
I remember in high school I would dream of being in my 20s. I couldn’t wait to be an adult with the freedom to do whatever I want. I dreamed I would have a great job and travel and have it all figured out. For teenage me, this all seemed reasonably attainable and was an expectation I loosely held onto for years. At 16, 23 felt like a full-fledged adult.
Fast forward to now. Life looks very different from what I imagined it would be when I was a teenager.
Though life looks different from what I had expected, the reality is it’s the life I’m building. My 20s have been a whirlwind of new: new friends, new jobs, new cities and new opportunities. There have been soaring highs and plummeting lows, and lots of lessons learned. And I’m only three years into this decade. Who knows what the rest has in store for me.
The greatest skill I’ve learned to develop is self-awareness. I went into young adulthood having no clue who “Lara” was and I took the time – thank you, quarantine – to figure that out. Having confidence in who you are changes everything about how you go through life. Unexpected circumstances will continue to happen, that’s just life, but inner confidence enables you to process any situation with a solid head on your shoulders. No one really has it all together, regardless of what stage in life they’re in. We’re all trying to make it through just one day at a time. This advice has helped me immensely. All I can do is show up and do the work. I can’t control every unexpected situation, but through each experience I gain more knowledge on how to process my feelings and move forward.
As I progress into my 20s, it’s been tempting to compare myself to others. Social media makes it incredibly easy to look into the lives of people I don’t even see on a day-to-day basis and compare their life to mine. Is their job cooler than mine? Are they traveling often? Do they have a big friend group? The second I fall into this trap I feel a pit in my stomach – I must be failing. But how can I fail if I’ve only just started living? I am not a failure because my life looks different from the person next to me or the person I see on my Instagram feed. (Social media makes comparison to strangers so easy and can convolute my own contentment, but that’s a conversation for another time.)
It’s exciting to follow along my friends’ journeys and watch where they go. After school, we all went our separate ways to pursue our goals. No one really prepares you for the sudden shift from seeing your college friends everyday to living in completely different states. It can be lonely, and making friends as a 20-something isn’t always easy, but at the end of the day we have to tend to our personal ambitions while supporting each other from afar. By choosing to follow what motivates me, I’ve created newfound friendships in the people I’ve met along the way. Slowly but surely, I’m building community.
I am exactly where I need to be. My path is my own and I have to figure out what my life will look like at my own pace.
Our 20s are the first time we’re preparing for the future as “real” adults. We’ve done the prep work and now we’re putting the gears into motion, but attaining goals doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a lifelong journey of discovery. I think the secret to navigating your 20s is having a clear balance of preparing for the future while soaking in every second of what is right in front of you. It’s important to work hard, make connections, save money, and do everything in your power to accomplish your personal and professional goals; this drive and focus, however, should not deter you from enjoying life as it is at the moment.
It doesn’t matter if this isn’t where I’m meant to end up; life doesn’t happen in a day. Every struggle has ultimately brought me laughter and a funny story. As unexpected and challenging this time in my life might be, I know I will always look back on it with humility and humor.
When it comes down to it, nobody knows what they’re doing all the time, but everyone wants to be given the grace to try.