Discovering Your Love Language
Graphic by Christina Hara
To be very honest with you - I think I spent 90% of my life trying to learn how to love others. I just wanted to create a safe space for them, spread warmth and remind people that they are loved and appreciated.
I don’t really know why I did that. I don’t regret trying to learn how other’s wanted to be loved, but I should have focused more on myself. I was pouring love into others when I couldn’t even look into the mirror and say “I love you” to the person staring right back at me.
If you resonate with this, take it as a sign to discover your own love languages. How you desire to be loved is such an important thing to discover, explore and experience! You deserve to feel loved by others and most importantly, by yourself.
I know how gratifying it can be to receive those intimate moments of physical touch, those thoughtful gifts you receive on a Sunday evening or receiving an alert on your phone with a specially crafted expression of admiration waiting for you to read. That’s all I ever craved, I wanted to be loved and feel loved but never realized that I could be giving myself some of that same sense of gratification.
So, how do we discover our love languages? First, it’s knowing what they are. There are 5 love languages; words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
Words of affirmation - you appreciate compliments, encouragement and supportive words. An example can be: “I appreciate you making the time to run my errands with me today,” or “You look amazing today!”
Quality time - you feel loved when someone sets time aside to give you their undivided attention. When they’re with you they make sure to silence their phones and engage in activities you enjoy just to spend more time together
Receiving gifts - you feel appreciated when someone is thoughtful enough to gift you something, whether big or small. It could be a bouquet of your favorite flowers, a book you had been raving about, a necklace with your favorite gem, the list goes on!
Acts of service - you feel loved when someone takes a task off of your to-do list just to make your life easier like cooking a meal for you or taking out the trash
Physical touch - you prefer to be cuddled, kissed, hugged, etc. Any kind of physical touch makes you happy.
I know how overwhelming it can be to read all of this, it’s an influx of information and it can even seem like a lot but I promise…this is the fun part. You get to take yourself on dates, set time aside and delve into exactly what your needs are.
This doesn’t have to be super elaborate, I don’t mean you have to dress up in an elegant outfit and take yourself to a 5 star restaurant…although, if that’s your cup of tea, by all means, treat yourself!
Here are some activities you can do to discover what love languages resonate most with you.
Quality time:
Do nothing and relax. Yup, you read that right. Sometimes the best time spent is doing nothing and allowing yourself to unwind, relax and let it all sink in.
Watch a new show! If you’ve been dying to catch up on the latest episodes of your favorite show, go for it. Give yourself the time to indulge in your favorite plots and characters.
Words of affirmation:
Take the time to write a letter to yourself. Complement yourself! Remind yourself just how amazing and special you are.
Receiving gifts:
Buy yourself a cup of coffee, a record you’ve been eyeing or just anything that may spark some joy.
Create a new painting for your bedroom or crochet yourself a fuzzy beanie.
Acts of Service:
Take the time to put on your favorite face mask, cook yourself a yummy meal, clean your room…anything that creates a positive impact.
Physical Touch:
Wear comfy clothes. Physical touch doesn’t always have to be hugs, kisses and cuddles. It stems from how our body feels safe and cared for. Sometimes wearing your favorite pair of joggers and a hoodie can create that same level of comfort.
Dance! Groove along to your favorite tunes.
Go on a run, walk, any sort of movement that makes you feel amazing.
Learning your love languages doesn’t have to be an extensive journey. It can be slow, intimate and something that we can practice periodically or on the daily. Learning how you desire to be loved and implementing it makes it feel 10x more special. Because it is love that was created for you, by you.